remembrance

Ahhh, just remembering the definition of the fine bone sculpture. Oh so delicate and pleasing to behold. I admit that I miss you, it's the little things in life that put a smile on your face. I have such a longing to see again, slim and defining. Sigh, I guess you are a thing of the past. On to the present of the merging of one into the other. Who knew that CANKLES were the thing of the future. I miss my ankles so!

dear sir

Dear Gravity,

Our mutual dislike for one another has been going on for quite sometime now. I fought a long and hard battle with you for a number of years. I still haven't given up the fight as of yet, I must admit though that at times it looks like your winning. Perkiness is a thing of the past, even though i miss it sometimes.

I will continue to fight with you, I will droop no more! I must admit that years ago I defied you on all aspects of life. As the years go by my fight with you has at times taken a backseat. I'm slowly getting back into fighting form. I might not be as good as I once was, but I'll give you fight.

Just so that we're both on the same page YOU SUCK!!!!

Your opponent.

Snarky

snarky (ˈsnɒːkɪ)
— adj , snarkier , snarkiest
informal unpleasant and scornful

Don't you just love this word? Even saying it can put a smile on your face. What's really funny is if you say to someone "no need to be so snarky" and a look of total bafflement comes over their face. You just know that as soon as they can they'll be on the computer looking up the meaning of the word.

Snarky is my word of the day.

dreams

Your face was so solemn, your eyes so incredibly sad. You stood so tall and erect, my heart ached just to be seeing you. Your daughter was standing next to me and your eyes just devoured the sight of her. You couldn't take your eyes off of her. So, so sad was your expression, i couldn't seem to get that out of my mind. I reached out to hug you, you were just out of my reach. I smiled at you and you cried. My heart broke into a million pieces. I'm not sure that I can mend myself again.

Listen

Listen can you hear it? This is goes, very faint tones. It soothes me as the melody reaches my heart. So faint, so very beautiful as the breeze blows very gently against the chimes. It echoes through my soul, a deep tone as it carriers on the breeze.

It took me awhile to find just the right spot to hang my wind chimes. If I hung them in the back I would only be able to hear them at night. So, I ended up hanging them on the front porch, this way I hear them early in the morning, at night when i'm watching TV. I pass them every time I go in and out of the house, puts a smile on my face.

It's funny how sometimes the chimes can echo your moods, soft melodies when your having a good day and deep resonating tones when your angry. I love my wind chimes and I love the person that gave them to me. Thank you so much for my wind chimes. As soon as figure out how to post a picture i'll put one up of my chimes.

missing you

Why don't you come and visit me in my dreams? I'm aching for you. I need to know that your doing alright. I need to know that you still love me, my heart knows but my head doesn't. Did I do everything that I should have done? It's been almost three years now that you have left us. Do I have guilt, yes I do. I know that I shouldn't, but I really do. Your on my mind everyday, what you had to endure. The pain that you were in towards the end of young life. You shouldn't have had to deal with that, so young, so much purpose left to your life. A family, children and a career that you loved. I haven't been able to come to terms that your gone from my life.

I would have traded my life for yours in a heartbeat, i would have changed places with you without any questions asked. I remember that Dad said something like to you and you freaked out. It wasn't meant to upset you, it was said from the heart because it hurt so much to know what you were going through.

I always ask the same question of myself, did I do everything I could? Should I have taken you elsewhere? What else could I have done for you? I guess this happens because you really don't know the answers to those questions. Your heart and your head are in constant disagreement with each other about the answers.

I love you and miss you with all of my heart.

tick, tick, tick

A lesson in anatomy:

Adenoma
Hepatic adenomas are benign solid neoplasms of the liver. They are most commonly seen in young woman, and are typically solitary, although multiple adenomas also can occur. Prior or current use of estrogen (oral contraceptives) is a clear risk factor for development of a liver adenoma, although they can occur even in the absence of oral contraceptive use. Hepatic adenomas carry a significant risk of spontaneous rupture with intraperitoneal bleeding. Further, there is a risk of malignant transformation to a well-differentiated HCC. Therefore, it is usually recommended that a hepatic adenoma be surgically removed.

Okay, so I found out that I am totally a control freak. I hate the fact that there isn't anything I can do about this. I have multiple adenoma's on my liver, why you say. I took hormone therapy to stop being so incredibly bitchy, and of course I also was on oral contraceptives for a few years. Maybe. I should have been the bitch supreme, hmm I just might still qualify for that.

Trying to find out if there was something that could help either reduced the size of the adenoma's or get rid of them totally didn't really work out in my favor. It seems that there really isn't anything that I can do. I asked about diets, chemo (not really a cancer) basically told no, not really. We'll have to wait and watch them on a regular basis (tick, tick, tick). I really do feel right now like ticking tomb bomb. I know that they can erupt spontaneously. This is not the area of my life that i want spontaneousness. I want normal everyday routine and liver functions, that's not asking for too much is it?