Tuesday, November 30, 2010

tick, tick, tick

A lesson in anatomy:

Adenoma
Hepatic adenomas are benign solid neoplasms of the liver. They are most commonly seen in young woman, and are typically solitary, although multiple adenomas also can occur. Prior or current use of estrogen (oral contraceptives) is a clear risk factor for development of a liver adenoma, although they can occur even in the absence of oral contraceptive use. Hepatic adenomas carry a significant risk of spontaneous rupture with intraperitoneal bleeding. Further, there is a risk of malignant transformation to a well-differentiated HCC. Therefore, it is usually recommended that a hepatic adenoma be surgically removed.

Okay, so I found out that I am totally a control freak. I hate the fact that there isn't anything I can do about this. I have multiple adenoma's on my liver, why you say. I took hormone therapy to stop being so incredibly bitchy, and of course I also was on oral contraceptives for a few years. Maybe. I should have been the bitch supreme, hmm I just might still qualify for that.

Trying to find out if there was something that could help either reduced the size of the adenoma's or get rid of them totally didn't really work out in my favor. It seems that there really isn't anything that I can do. I asked about diets, chemo (not really a cancer) basically told no, not really. We'll have to wait and watch them on a regular basis (tick, tick, tick). I really do feel right now like ticking tomb bomb. I know that they can erupt spontaneously. This is not the area of my life that i want spontaneousness. I want normal everyday routine and liver functions, that's not asking for too much is it?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Mixed Emotions

Picked my daughter in law up from the airport the other day. I have not been looking forward to her return trip, not so much because of her, but the feelings that are bound to come around. Harder than I thought it was going to be, the images that just popped into my head.. It's been almost three years now since my son passed away from cancer, having my daughter in law come back to the house after two years brought everything back in a rush. We picked her up from the airport and drove back to the house. As I opened the door I could see my son in the hospital bed with a huge smile on his face. She was his life, he loved her with his heart and soul.

There have been many, many conflicts with my daughter in law. Even more than she'll ever know. I HAVE to be nice, I have two grandchildren that live in Japan. I would like to see them some time in the future.

After a week of her being here, it was time for her to go. I needed an emotional rest, no more heartache. It was extremely exhausting emotionally, I hit an all time low. It's now time to relax and regenerate my brain cells. I'm just so tired.