Solar panels

My husband seen an article about solar panels and the cost savings with the electric company. Of course, that set him off. Now it was "did you check into the solar panels"? Did you happen to see how many houses in the neighborhood had the panels installed? On and on this went until I relented and started checking into the panels. Wow, the cost of purchasing the panels were astronomical. Told hubby this isn't going to happen, way too much out of pocket expense. We then were told about leasing the solar panels, much cheaper out of pocket expense. Weren't too such about how it all worked, so figured that I would check into it a little. So I called Garden State Solar in Middletown, NJ. I spoke with the rudest man I ever had the chance to speak with. "Look lady if your not sure what you want to do, don't bother me i'm too busy". Well Kevin (insert much sarcasm here)

I'm sure that you really thought that you were busy, but based on some of the reviews that I read you really weren't that busy. I just glad that you answered the phone Kevin, otherwise I wouldn't have this lovely blog. Reliable Power and Solar were the best Company that I have dealt with in a long time. Professional, courteous and efficient. They took care of permits, paperwork and everything else that needed to be done. Thank you so much for such a great job.

Home vs House.

Home vs. House

Every morning sitting in the living room with the sun slowly filtering through the curtains having my much needed coffee, I glance over to the corner of the living room. I can still see the outline of the hospital bed and our son lying in the bed. My heart breaks again, so much pain and sorrow.
We bought this house over 32 years ago with so much excitement and dreams, both of us working full time and we could still barley afford the mortgage. The wonderful dreams that we created for our new home, yes home, this was our new home not just a house anymore. It was small only one bedroom; I guess you could call it a bungalow. Two blocks away from the beach and a nice size yard, just imagine the swing set and puppies running around with our children. Three years later a little boy was born, Joseph Anthony.
We needed more room to grow, so we added on and recreated our home. Brian James was born three years later. As our children grew and flourished it was amazing at the joy the 2 boys brought to our lives. Grammar school, Soccer, Baseball, Ice Hockey, High School we were always on the move. Sports, homework and of course the squabbles between brothers, the discipline (no cookies before dinner) life was good.
The phone call came late one April afternoon, mom my daughter in law said so upset. They found a something on Joey’s pelvis, it looks like a tumor. My oldest son was in the Navy stationed in Japan, he was having some pain down his right leg and thought that he pulled a muscle or even possible had a hernia. They flew him and his wife, Miki from Japan to San Diego. The diagnosis Osteosarcoma, bone cancer! Between getting Joey and Miki a place to stay in San Diego, (not too far from the hospital) and flying back and forth from New Jersey it was trying. Having my youngest son Brian helping out and staying in San Diego so this way someone was always with Joey, was a godsend.
We finally had to bring Joey back home; he needed constant care and pain management. His wife needed to go back to Japan to be with their two children for a while (another blog at another time). We drove back and forth from Johns Hopkins hospital and home. Needless to say 10 very short months later at the very young age of 26 our oldest son lost his battle with cancer.
Our youngest son Brian moved out just over a year ago to Nebraska, so incredibly proud of the young man he has become. He has been able to grow in mind, body, soul and spirit. Of course we miss him terribly, but just imagining how much he has gone through and his determined spirit is uplifting for us.
So, now I’m back to what to do in regards to this house that we are now living in together. Notice I didn’t say home, it just doesn’t feel like my home any more. Yes, I can still picture all the Christmas presents under the tree and who is going to open the first gift that Santa gave them. I still have those memories and many, many more. When the sadder memories are more prominent in your mind do you stay in the house and hope with all your heart that it will once again become your home?
I’m on the edge here, not sure what my next move is and what it should be. We have lost a part of our hearts and are trying to heal and keep each other together. Family and friends have helped us so much; that we can’t even began to express our heartfelt thanks.
Lately our sorrow is engulfing our memories more and more or maybe it just seems that way to me. Either way we are still trying to figure out the next thing to do, the right thing to do. I’m hoping that over time we will be able to figure out what will be best for us.

remembrance

Ahhh, just remembering the definition of the fine bone sculpture. Oh so delicate and pleasing to behold. I admit that I miss you, it's the little things in life that put a smile on your face. I have such a longing to see again, slim and defining. Sigh, I guess you are a thing of the past. On to the present of the merging of one into the other. Who knew that CANKLES were the thing of the future. I miss my ankles so!

dear sir

Dear Gravity,

Our mutual dislike for one another has been going on for quite sometime now. I fought a long and hard battle with you for a number of years. I still haven't given up the fight as of yet, I must admit though that at times it looks like your winning. Perkiness is a thing of the past, even though i miss it sometimes.

I will continue to fight with you, I will droop no more! I must admit that years ago I defied you on all aspects of life. As the years go by my fight with you has at times taken a backseat. I'm slowly getting back into fighting form. I might not be as good as I once was, but I'll give you fight.

Just so that we're both on the same page YOU SUCK!!!!

Your opponent.

Snarky

snarky (ˈsnɒːkɪ)
— adj , snarkier , snarkiest
informal unpleasant and scornful

Don't you just love this word? Even saying it can put a smile on your face. What's really funny is if you say to someone "no need to be so snarky" and a look of total bafflement comes over their face. You just know that as soon as they can they'll be on the computer looking up the meaning of the word.

Snarky is my word of the day.

dreams

Your face was so solemn, your eyes so incredibly sad. You stood so tall and erect, my heart ached just to be seeing you. Your daughter was standing next to me and your eyes just devoured the sight of her. You couldn't take your eyes off of her. So, so sad was your expression, i couldn't seem to get that out of my mind. I reached out to hug you, you were just out of my reach. I smiled at you and you cried. My heart broke into a million pieces. I'm not sure that I can mend myself again.

Listen

Listen can you hear it? This is goes, very faint tones. It soothes me as the melody reaches my heart. So faint, so very beautiful as the breeze blows very gently against the chimes. It echoes through my soul, a deep tone as it carriers on the breeze.

It took me awhile to find just the right spot to hang my wind chimes. If I hung them in the back I would only be able to hear them at night. So, I ended up hanging them on the front porch, this way I hear them early in the morning, at night when i'm watching TV. I pass them every time I go in and out of the house, puts a smile on my face.

It's funny how sometimes the chimes can echo your moods, soft melodies when your having a good day and deep resonating tones when your angry. I love my wind chimes and I love the person that gave them to me. Thank you so much for my wind chimes. As soon as figure out how to post a picture i'll put one up of my chimes.

missing you

Why don't you come and visit me in my dreams? I'm aching for you. I need to know that your doing alright. I need to know that you still love me, my heart knows but my head doesn't. Did I do everything that I should have done? It's been almost three years now that you have left us. Do I have guilt, yes I do. I know that I shouldn't, but I really do. Your on my mind everyday, what you had to endure. The pain that you were in towards the end of young life. You shouldn't have had to deal with that, so young, so much purpose left to your life. A family, children and a career that you loved. I haven't been able to come to terms that your gone from my life.

I would have traded my life for yours in a heartbeat, i would have changed places with you without any questions asked. I remember that Dad said something like to you and you freaked out. It wasn't meant to upset you, it was said from the heart because it hurt so much to know what you were going through.

I always ask the same question of myself, did I do everything I could? Should I have taken you elsewhere? What else could I have done for you? I guess this happens because you really don't know the answers to those questions. Your heart and your head are in constant disagreement with each other about the answers.

I love you and miss you with all of my heart.