Wednesday, June 26, 2013

ageless memories

Ahhh, the memories. I can almost smell the fresh cut grass as I ran through it as a little girl, giggling as the grass tickled my toes. The linen pinafore dress that I adored twirling as I ran. Mother would always scold me about getting stains on my clothes. It will always make me smile.

Keeping my eyes closed I can remember the trips to beach with my family, everyone all packed into the station wagon. Are we there yet? Can you hear the ocean and feel the breeze on your face, I can, I can. I can hardly wait to put my feet into the water. My new one piece bathing suit, dark green with light green and white stripes going across the top, the little ruffle that went around the legs. I was almost afraid to get it wet.

Frowning a little at the darkness that seems to creep in every once in awhile. IT’s taking the happiness away.
The young woman chatting away with her mom sees a slight smile cross her faces. Mom I hope you're having a nice thought she says. It’s been months since mom has even been able to acknowledge that she’s in the room. As she keeps talking to her, she reaches out to gently push the hair off of her forehead. It would be so nice to see some recognition in her mom’s eyes once more. I long for the days that we could sit and talk for hours. Catch up on the day’s events and talk about the growing grandchildren.

I can't believe that I'm graduating high school already. So excited to get the girls all together and spend the weekend in the mountains. I know it’s a different place to go, but Harold’s dad has a place in the mountains. Mom said it was okay to go as long as Harold’s parents were going to be there. I get so dreamy when I think about Harold, I’m hoping for a stolen kiss this weekend. I can't wait to tell the girls about it.

Harold and I had such a brief period together, too small children and he’s gone. What am I going to do? I can't sit here and cry all day, I need to get everything going and take care of the children. I can do it with just a little help. I will do it and have healthy happy children.

Mom why are there tears running down your cheeks? I wish there was something I could do for you, please talk to me. Help me understand what’s going on with you; I don't know what to do anymore. Matching tears cascade down her daughters cheeks.

I don't want to think about the terrible times, I want the happier moments and the joy of being free. As the darkness rolls in and gets closer within her mind it’s so much easier to retreat to the happier and carefree times.

As the daughter packs up to leave and leans down to kiss her mom goodbye, she sees the slight smile cross he lips again. At least she isn't crying any more, I’ll have to take whatever comfort I can.

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