Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The smell of cigars

Every once in awhile as i'm driving I get the slight scent drifting past my nose, just a hint of cigars. I'll take a deep breathe and try to hold that scent in, let it massage the hurt in my heart. I know it's dad saying 'HI Babe" his favorite greeting to my sister and myself.

I've been driving dads car since he passed going on 7 years now. There are also times that I can smell a sickly odor, from when dad was battling cancer. This car is something that I've been able to hold onto, HOLD is the right world. I can touch it, feel it and remember the times good and bad from within this car.

I finally had to let the car go, my sister in law really needed a car to get around with. Back and forth to and from work. Hubby went over this past weekend and deemed their Blazer as gone, blown motor. My brother in law looked devastated, granted they really don't have any money (most of this problem is of their own, oh, lets say laziness. Hubby knew that I really didn't want to give this car away, but sometimes you have to help family.

So we talked about it briefly and decided it was the right thing to do, surely not the easiest. As I was telling her about the little quirks of the car, like the blinkers don't work in the rain unless you hit the emergency flashers twice. The smell of cigars is just dad saying hi, the gas Gauge that refuses to work no matter how many times it's been repaired. Again dad saying will you please pay attention!

So i will miss this car and the many reminders of dad, not nearly as much as I miss dad though.I'm sure he would be okay with this transfer.

Dad I know your listening, i love you and miss you lots. I really want to get a scent of your cigars in my car.

1 comment:

Catootes said...

It's hard to let these last tangible things go. The things that hold memories- physical manifestations of the person we've lost.
I still have his tan sweater.
Love you.