Thursday, April 2, 2009


I look in the mirror every day as I get ready for work. Fix the make up, hair an make sure that there isn't anything in my teeth. Can't go to work like that. As i look in the mirror I see the same person as always, yes a little older. A few more wrinkles, a little features from both of my parents.

The person that looks back at is the same person that i've seen for the last many years. But, it isn't really me. My face doesn't show the real me. Not the turmoil that is going on iside my head or my heart. I see no sign of the heartache, almost like i'm living a double life.

I put a smile on my face and continue on as i have so many times. I keep thinking that one day it's all going to come to the surface. This person in the mirror, with conflicting emotions. So many different feelings on a daily basis, as i wake up to reality everyday. Okay, things need to be done. I plan so many things as i look in the mirror, I need to make sure that bills get paid, house needs to be cleaned, let the dog out. This is all the normal everyday things that have to be done. I get up in the morning with high hopes that my mind won't be so fussy today, that i'll be able to focus on the normal (what's really normal) things. But, as usual that's not going to happen.

I try to put my thoughts and feelings on the back burner, just for awhile. It doesn't work, my heartaches and my mind again is in turmoil. Did i do everything i could, could i have done more, what did i miss. I miss my son and it hurts so much to say that. But, as i look in the mirror with tears in my eyes i still can't see the person that i feel like. Mirrors don't lie, do they?


Catutes said...

No, Mirror's don't lie, but they certainly don't look below the surface.

You did everything and more. I was there, I saw, I know. No one gave more. No one loved more. No one tried more. No one had more to give than you.

Bring it forth and let the grief see the light of day, perhaps your soul will be little lighter? You can't bury something so huge, it finds its way to the surface and will smother you if you don't let it go. I won't let that happen.

I love you.

just being me said...

Nope it needs to hold off awhile longer. Bury it i will for as long as needs be......